My Speech at the "Support the Troops" Rally (remembered with advantages)
Good Afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen, I want to thank you all for coming here to support the troops. You may have noticed that we don't have any drums like the protesters. There's a reason for that, you see, because we all agree on something, we are here to support the troops. I disagree with Lou over religion, but I want to hear him speak. I disagree with her choice of costuming (pointing at woman dressed as Betsy Ross), but I want her to speak. They have the drums because they can't stand to hear each other speak. Their drums drown out what each has to say because they are not interested in the First Amendment. We are here to assemble peaceably because we love freedom.
I want to talk today about Private Jessica Lynch. As a lot of you know, Jessica Lynch was rescued from captivity this week. It is important to know that she was the first American POW rescued by force of arms since World War II. That is worth celebrating. What some of you may not know is that by all reports, she fought to the last bullet in keeping with the best traditions of American arms. This is important because she will be the first American woman to be awarded a medal for valor in combat. This makes her the most important woman in the history of Equal Rights since Susan B. Anthony. Imagine that, she struck a blow for liberty not by becoming a Playboy Bunny like Gloria Steinem or becoming a lawyer like Hillary Rodham Clinton, but by becoming a soldier. That is worth celebrating for those of us who support the troops. For old male chauvinists, like me, this is the end of the world and I am glad about it.
The other thing that we have to keep in mind is that she was rescued because of the decency of an Iraqi man. I know that feelings are running really strongly, but there is something we need to keep in mind. We are not there to make war on the Iraqi people; we are there to make war on the regime of Saddam Hussein. We are there to free the Iraqi people just as Jessica Lynch set women free and an Iraqi man set her free.
Now, I do have a bit of a problem with this situation. I do not mind that the man who did this service was a follower of Islam. I do not have a problem with this man being an Arab; there are many decent and courageous Arab people, a culture that is gifted in poetry and many of the human skills. I do not have a problem with him because he is an Iraqi. I do have a problem because he is a lawyer. Now I've got to take back a lot of terrible things I've said about lawyers over the years, and I've got to eat a lot of crow. But we all have to make sacrifices to be free, and this is one I'm willing to make.
Thank you very much.